We can’t always know what children are exposed to—directly or indirectly through listening to adults or peers—so we need to be able to communicate to them in a way that feels supportive, developmentally appropriate, and compassionate.
Ignoring something that children might already be exposed to and confused about can exacerbate any distress they feel and might miss the opportunity to provide constructive role modelling for conversation and expression of thought and feeling.
Here are some guidelines for supporting and communicating with children about conflict
Find out what your child already knows and how they feel about times of conflict. Don’t pre-empt any knowledge or reaction, or lack thereof. Don’t be afraid to ask questions about what they know and are feeling.
You can provide reassurance by understanding your child’s level of awareness and emotional state. Balance is essential in helping a child understand danger and threat. In other words, be authentic and truthful about the conflict but also about human efforts to find peace and resolution.
The news can often distort our understanding of human beings as it focuses almost exclusively on the negative. By providing examples of how humans engage in conflict resolution, peace and connection can steer the child towards a perspective that feels safe and understandable.
Role Model Emotional Respect & Regulation.
Children will absorb and mirror your reactions, and whilst being authentic in your concern and expression of feeling is important, role modelling as a way to balance these feelings is even more important. Remaining calm and offering perspective can help children balance their own thinking and feelings. Be mindful of the impact your own feelings or opinion might have on them, and avoid relying on your child to support you, as this will increase their confusion and potential anxiety.
Using Age-Appropriate Language
It’s crucial to use age-appropriate language when discussing sensitive topics, particularly with younger children. Simplify concepts without oversimplifying the situation. For example:
- For younger children (under 10): Focus on the human side of the issue rather than complex geopolitical aspects. You can talk about how some people are sad because they are in conflict over land and beliefs and that there are people on both sides who want peace. In the context of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, you might say something like, “There are two groups of people, Israelis and Palestinians, who have different beliefs about the land, and sometimes this makes them hurt each other. Some people are trying to find a way for them to live peacefully.”
- For older children (10-15): You can begin incorporating more historical and political context, but keep it clear and balanced. For example, you could explain that the conflict has been going on for many years, with both sides having strong feelings and different stories about their history, and that there have been many efforts to find peace, but it is complicated.
Focusing on Empathy and Understanding
It’s important to teach children about empathy, compassion, and the human consequences of conflict. Explain that all people around the world—in or out of conflict—are just like them, with families, dreams, and lives. Explain the consequences of war in terms of human suffering rather than right versus wrong. Providing information about what connects us can guide children in how to cognitively and emotionally process what is occurring and give them a way forward towards connection as something they can control.
Avoid Overloading with Information
Children may experience a range of emotions in response to learning about such a painful conflict. It’s crucial to create an outlet for them to express how they feel. Encourage creative activities like drawing, writing, or discussing their emotions with you or a trusted adult. Helping children express their feelings can mitigate any anxiety they may be feeling.
Additionally, you can engage children in positive actions. While they may not be able to directly solve the conflict, they can participate in charitable activities or efforts that promote peace and kindness. This could include raising awareness or simply being kind to those who may come from different backgrounds.
Reassure Them About Safety
For children who may be anxious about their safety or the safety of others in the world, reassure them that many people, including diplomats, aid workers, and everyday people, are working hard to prevent violence and bring about peace. Highlight the safety measures in place, the resilience of communities, and the ways the world responds to such crises.
”"There are many people all around the world working hard to make things safer for everyone, and we can all do our part by being peaceful and kind to one another."
Foster an Environment of Discussion & Open Expression
Encourage children to ask questions and create an open space where they feel comfortable discussing their thoughts and concerns. Be patient and open, mainly when they express confusion, fear, or anger.
You can say: “It’s okay to feel confused or upset about what’s going on. If you want to talk about it more, we can. You can ask me anything, and I’ll try to help you understand.”
Conclusion
Discussing conflict with children requires sensitivity, clarity, and care. The key is to balance honesty with hope, focusing on our shared humanity and emphasising the importance of peace and resolution.
