Dealing with Grief and Loss

Grief is the healing process we go through after suffering a loss. Although we normally think of loss as the death of someone close to us, life situations such as divorce or losing a job can also bring about grief. Learn about the experience of grief, how to move along in the grief process, and tips for coping with different types of losses.

POSSIBLE GRIEF REACTIONS

Often our first reaction to grief is denial. It’s hard for our minds to accept that such a loss has taken place.

Other reactions we may experience:

Anger. We probably had no control over the loss, so we react to our vulnerability with anger. We lash out at others or blame ourselves for the loss.

Bargaining. We want to trade something we can do for the reversal of the loss, saying things like “I’d do anything if only this hadn’t happened”.

Depression. A feeling of hopelessness about the situation takes over and we feel out of control.

Acceptance. We accept the reality of the situation and begin to create new plans and are able to move on in our lives.

MOVING ALONG

Sharing grief with those close to us is important for moving through the grieving process. Bringing people together is one of the roles of funerals or memorial services for people who have died.

However sometimes it is difficult for others to relate to the depth of our pain if a death is not involved, such as when we lose a job. This is human nature. In cases such as this, professional counselling may help you through your grief process to move toward acceptance.

How much time it takes to move through grief depends on the nature of the loss, the individual who is grieving and the overall circumstances of the individual’s life. The important thing to remember, however, is that grieving is normal. There are times when being stuck in one reaction and dwelling on the loss too long might require the intervention of a professional counsellor.

TIPS FOR COPING: RECOVER, REFOCUS. REGENERATE

Major work and life changes are common: promotions, relocations, divorce, parenthood and numerous other events. Whether these changes are welcome or unwelcome, all can be extremely stressful unless we learn how to adjust to them. Taking the time to recover, refocus and regenerate following life changes can help us survive and even thrive.

Recover

After a life change, you need to regain your sense of balance and routine. Your situation may be, at least for now, stressful, challenging or unfamiliar. You may have symptoms such as headaches, backaches, or depression. To begin your recovery, it will help to step back from your new situation and re-engage a familiar routine. Plan a weekend getaway or take time just for yourself. Mini-breaks like going to the movies can help you get distance and perspective. Exercise and sharing your feelings with others are excellent stress reducers.

Refocus

If you are able to look at “the big picture”, you’ll gain greater peace of mind about the change. Take time to think about what has happened, why and what it might mean. You might realise that your feelings are mixed. For example, if you’ve been promoted, you might be pleased with the higher salary, but uncomfortable about supervising your friends. You may feel sad or angry about having to let go of familiar people and routines. With time, those feelings will change. Talking to trusted friends, family members, a counsellor, or human resource professional may speed the process.

Regenerate

All change is stressful for your body and your body needs time to heal. Get extra rest, avoid alcohol and cigarettes, and eat properly. Try to increase your circle of support – connect with new people or reinforce old friendships.

No one can escape change. Accepting the fact that change has taken place is important. When you take steps to recover, refocus and regenerate, you will find acceptance easier. These steps will help you successfully make the change part of your life.

If you’re struggling with grief or loss, Converge counsellors are here to help and support you. You might have access to free counselling through your employer.

To access Converge counselling services, simply call 1300 OUR EAP (1300 687 327) to make a time to speak with one of our team or book online or in the Converge App (Android or iOS).