Skip to main content

Each November, it’s Movember and International Men’s Day, so it’s the perfect time to talk about men’s mental health. We know that these conversations can be daunting on both sides so read on to learn more about sideways listening.

Movember 2024 & International Men’s Day 2024

This November, we’re raising awareness for men’s health. Why? Because it’s International Men’s Day and Movember. Both events are designed to break barriers that men face when seeking help and promote ubiquitous destigmatisation. But many men – including the one who’s writing this article – find holding or facing a conversation about mental health a tricky and daunting task on all fronts.

Historically, stigmas and prejudice have prevented men from reaching out for support. Yet, 43% of men experience a mental illness within their lifetime – AIHW data suggests. Suicide rates among men are also significantly concerning. Life of Mind contends that for every 3,000 suicides per year, 75% are male. Therefore, holding a conversation about mental health is essential. But first, we must try to understand what’s impacting men and preventing them from seeking help…

Understanding the stigmas that plague men’s mental health

Stigmas significantly constitute and act as an undertone in a range of men’s mental health studies. Mental Health Foundation reports that men are more reluctant to reach out for support and only 36% of NHS counselling referrals are men. Echoed on Australian soil, only one-quarter of men said they’d reach out for support – AIFS states.

Encouragingly, AIFS said that over 80% of men who had a mental illness consulted their general practitioner. However, despite the high GP access figures, AIFS states that only 40% sought help from a mental health specialist post their GP visit. Why? There are many reasons, but a major driver behind men feeling uncomfortable with reaching out is stigmatisation.

How do stigmas take hold?

Before we explore the best way to speak with the men in our lives about mental health, we need to understand the stigmas that can hold men back. For years, the mantra ‘Boys don’t cry’, ‘Be a man’ or ‘Man up’ created a negative perception of seeking help. As a result, toxic masculinity got in the way of men receiving the support they needed, allowing their mental illness to fester.

By making men’s health a topic of conversation, more men may feel comfortable getting help and may feel less stigmatised. Reassuringly, more men have been urged to speak up about their feelings by someone in their close circle – 96%, in fact, according to RACV. Nonetheless, more must be done to encourage mental health conversations, and you can be sure we have the formula. Below is one great way you can hold a conversation about mental health with your male loved ones.

Sideways conversations: Discussing men’s health in a less pressurised environment

At Converge, we have many expert specialists with years of experience in mental health and wellbeing. One of those experts is James Sclater, our National Learning Solutions Manager and registered psychologist. During a recent sit-down chat for our newest episode of the Thrive Podcast, he explained that sideways conversations can be a great way to discuss mental health, reduce inherent pressure, and break down barriers.

“When we speak to men about their mental health, it can be good to have the conversation while doing something. For example, it can be useful to engage in something we call sideways listening. Rather than me sitting opposite you and having that conversation, it allows us to speak about something of concern [in] a less threatening way,” James outlines.

How to hold a sideways conversation

A mental health conversation can be confronting, and if you’re the one reaching out, the person on the receiving end can sometimes feel that you’re being accusatory, causing some men to shut down. So, this technique aims to reduce the amount of pressure these conversations can engender. But how does a sideways conversation work?

  • Do an activity you both enjoy – like driving, gardening, or running.
  • Hold the conversation in tandem when you’re side-by-side.
  • While you converse, there will be less eye contact; however, the conversation will feel more organic, natural, and, ultimately, less threatening.
  • Be mindful that they may still be guarded and reluctant to speak. Don’t push them. Frequently check in because you never know when they’ll be ready to talk.
  • If you need further support, consult your workplace EAP – like Converge – to discuss some tips and tricks for having these conversations.

Try this technique the next time you want to reach out to a friend, relative, or colleague – regardless of their gender. We all want to live in a mentally fit world, so reach out to your loved ones and make sure they’re okay!

Care Anytime Anywhere

Subscribe to our newsletter!